He should of known better. He should of refused point blank when his girlfriend had replied to his question. "Larry, honey, do you really know what I fancy for my birthday ?" she'd told him with a wicked smile. Larry had felt his toe's curl when she whispered what she wanted him to get her in his ear. Like the nitwit he was, he had simply nodded an "Oh uhhhhhhh, sure. I can get you one of those.....things. No problem."
Big mistake. A bloody great big dammed woppa of a mistake he thought as he tried to avoid catching the eye of any women who happened to be glancing in his general direction out of knowing curiosity.
Trying to look as if he knew what the fuck he was doing, he blindly picked up the nearest thing he could find. Which, unfortunately in this case, just happened to be a leopard skin two-piece that was too far on the lacivious and skimpy side to be decent. Turning beetroot, he stood there holding it at arm's length as if the leopard was still attached and eyeing it with a kind of fascinated horror. What was worse, on the other side of the rack, a gorgeous brunette had suddenly popped up and was smiling at him with a look that made him wish the ground would open up and swallow him whole.
Larry smiled back weakly and held up the hanger for her to see. "Er....for the girlfriend. " he blurted out, trying, but failing, to sound confident. The gorgeous brunette merely smiled wider and said "Ahhhh....nice choice."
Larry did the only sensible thing he could think of. He turned, holding the bra and knicker's automatically to his chest to find himself modelling said garment in a 7ft long mirror.
Behind him he heard the gorgeous brunette burst out laughing. He not only felt completely ridiculous he sure as hell looked like it as well. "Oh shit." he muttered as he glanced around hoping no one else had seen his comedy routine. Where was the exit when you needed it?
But he had been noticed. Several ladies were watching him from various corners of the store and each had that knowing look on their faces. Larry just put on his best "warning - useless man alert" face and hurridley put those "female thing's" back. This wasn't working out as he'd planned. In - spot something quick - then out again asap was the idea.
He was about to make a run for it when someone behind him said. "Hello, you look lost. Can I help you ?"
Larry turned and looked slightly down from his 6ft 4" height to find himself staring at a middle-aged greyblue haired lady who was dressed smartly in a dark pinstriped jacket and skirt with black stockings and sensible shoe's. He glanced at the plastic name tag which was pinned to her impressively voluptious bust. She was the manageress.
Larry self-conciously scratched his ear. "Er...I er...." He gave her a helpless shrug and his shoulders drooped in resigned defeat. "I'm sort of.." He frowned thinking of the correct word. "Lost."
The lady laughed. "Don't worry about it. You'd be surprised how many men we get in here especially round Christmas time who say exactly the same. Are you buying for someone ?" she began. "Or are you..." Her voice drifted off and it took Larry a second to understand what she was inferring. He blinked. What ? How could she think he was buying for himself ? Christ, did she think he was someone who liked wearing ladies underwear ? For a moment he imagined himself in a pink matching bra, panties and stockings with his body hair bursting out everywhere.
Come to think of it he might actually look pretty good.
He shook his head and held up his hands in front of him. "No no nooooooooo."he blustered feeling flustered. He dropped his voice to make him sound deeply butch and masculine for emphasis. "Not for me, what I mean is, I'm not.....I mean I don't - you know." He waggled his head from side to side. "I'm a man's man." He paused. THAT sure didn't sound right. "Actually, I'm here buying something for my girlfriend....for her birthday."
The lady smiled. "Ah, I thought so too. I was only teasing. Here let me show you what we've got."
Larry, still aware that he was the centre of attraction, breathed a sigh of relief and followed the lady, head down and unconsciously staring at her thrusting marching bottom as he went.
The manageress held up two examples of female "under-garments". Larry stared at each trying not to appear that he was staring too hard. This was for his girlfriend's benefit not his. Well, that wasn't entirely true if he was totally honest. He definitely had his own idea's about what he liked to see his girlfriend wearing - and for him to remove sexily at his leisure. Nothing complicated. No buttons, fiddly hooks and definitely no zippers. Zippers were out. Zippers were things that got stuck at inopportune moments. Especially when Moby Dick was about to blow.
"This is a simple one piece Sir." she explained, holding one up first, then the other. "And this is a two piece."
Larry nodded sagely. "I see." he replied, rubbing his chin.
"Which do you prefer?"
He stared at her feeling suddenly uncomfortable. "Me?"
The lady smiled again. "Excuse me, what I mean is, what does your lady prefer ?"
Larry frowned. He'd never really considered that before. What did his girlfriend like ? Usually he was up to his eyeball's in testosterone by the time he got her down to her underwear. He chewed on his lower lip, thinking. Now the way to approach this he thought was to think both strategically and logically. The smaller the garment, the easier it would be to get it off. No pulling or tugging leading to any uncontrollable eruptions of frustration on his part and definitely no curses of exasperation on his girlfriends.
That meant seperate bra and knicker's. Quick to whip off in an emergency. Strategically sound AND reasonable. "That type." he said pointing. "The two-piece thingymajig."
"Ah, a wise choice if I may say so Sir." agreed the lady. "The perfect remedy for a man in a hurry."
Larry was confused again. So much choice. So many colours. So many things to give him a hard on!!
Red's, blue's, black's, yellow's, pink's and white's. Sheer, see-through, high-cut, low-cut, skimpy, full, figure hugging or loose. Larry was pop-eyed by the time she'd pointed them all out. He stood twiddling his thumb's and more confused than ever. Which colour and type would she like ?
He needed advice. "Er ummmm, I'm er....what, what would you suggest ?" he asked sheepishly as he scratched his head. He was doing a lot of that today.
The lady took out her notepad and licked the tip of her pencil. Larry fidgeted harder. "Let me ask you a few questions Sir. Then perhaps we'll have a better idea."
"Is your lady tall, middling or short ?"
"She just about reaches my chin I reckon." said Larry thoughtfully.
"Alright, let's say middling. Now, is she big boned ?"
"How shall I put this.." the Manageress pondered as she tapped the pencil against her nose. "Is she a lady with a fuller figure ? In other words, do certain of her attributes, shall we say, enter a room before the rest of her ?"
Larry blinked before the penny dropped. "Ohhhhhhhh...you mean." Forgetting where he was, he automatically held up both hand's in front of his chest as if he was about to juggle a pair of large melons. "Er....fuller, definitely fuller. She's fuller all over come to think of it." he blushed as he dropped his hand's quickly.
The lady jotted down some more details. She seemed to know what he was talking about. "In other words, your lady has a buxom and fuller figure."
"Totally." he agreed.
"Lucky man." she smiled again knowingly. "Now, what's her favourite colour ?"
Favourite colour ? He thought it might be blue. Or was it red ? He imagined her in blue lingerie. Somehow that didn't exactly fill him with vim and vigour. He knew she was quite partial to red as the curtains she had chosen for their new flat were red. They'd also decided on a deep red three-piece suite. He didn't exactly find the thought of her in red that disagreeable. He gave himself a mental shake for it was her birthday after all wasn't it. Be an adult and stop thinking about your own kinky little way's you little deviant sod he chided himself.
"Black....definitely black. Frilly too. She likes frilly things......with trimmings." he lied.
Behind his back he crossed his fingers. The thought of his girlfriend in black bra, knickers, stockings and suspenders made him break out in a cold sweat. He might even manage three times a night if she wore those.
The next few minutes were spent with him trailing after the manageress like a bemused little pooch as she showed him all types of lingerie they had in black. As she held each one up for him to contemplate he was all "Ummmmmmmm...." and "Uhhhhhhhhhhhhs.." until finally she held up a matching set that just about broke the trade descriptions act for being called "clothing." It just about covered what was intended and left quite a lot to his fevered little imagination which was by now running rampant.
"Definitely those." he blurted out. The Manageress looked at him and raised an eyebrow. Slightly abashed he went on. "They er.....they look quite...nice." he observed. He imagined he had steam coming out of both ears.
"Oh yes, these are a particular favourite of the gentlemen shopper who comes in here looking to buy that extra special something for their lady. Think I can understand why. Now then, what are your lady's vital statistics ?" she asked as she checked the size's.
"Her what ?" he replied blankly.
The manageress peered at him over her pert spectacles. "Her vital statistics. You've given me some idea of her general size but not the exact measurements. Don't you know them ?"
Larry shook his head. "Er no." he mumbled apologetically. "Afraid not. Didn't occur to me to ask her." I-D-I-O-T.
She drummed the tip of her pencil on her nose again. "That's a problem." she sighed. Suddenly she had a rather wonderful idea. She scooped up the entire rack of the design he'd chosen and said cheerily "Come with me Sir."
Larry did as he was told.
Larry followed the manageress into a sparse white room which was an office of some sort. There was a desk with some files on it, a large metal cabinet in one corner and two security television screens from which he could see the whole shopfloor outside. He also noticed a microphone on the desk.
"We don't often do this." she explained as she went over to the microphone. "Only for gentlemen such as yourself Sir who need a more personal service." She picked it up and pressed a button. He heard a soft "bing-bong" outside then she called. "Can all lingerie assistants please come to the Manageress' office right away please. Thank you."
As she said those words she glanced up at Larry and smiled.
Larry merely swallowed hard.
Larry was so dumbfounded that he didn't know what to think as five very attractive young ladies walked into the office in front of him. What was going on ? He had the scary feeling that it had something to do with his girlfriend's vital statistics. But what ?
The older lady stood in front of the desk addressing her staff. "Now girls, we have a Mr....Mr ?" she turned towards Larry who had worry lines written all over his purple face.
"A Mr Smith here who is looking to buy something for his special lady's birthday. But he's not quite sure of her vital statistics. Soooooooooooooo....." she went on. "I think he would benefit from our extra special customer service don't you girl's ?"
"Yes Mrs Lister." all the girl's chirped in unison.
The Manageress turned to Larry. "Now then, all you have to do is pick the one who most resembles your lady's size."
Larry blinked." You want me to what ?" Had he heard right ? He glanced around nervously. Maybe he was on Candid Camera.
Mrs Lister wasn't listening. She faced her girl's. "About turn girl's. Remember, most gentlemen are more familiar with their lady's bottom than any other part. Bend forward slightly, give Mr Smith a clear indication of how big your own bottoms are."
Larry felt like he was dancing on hot coals. His mouth dropped open as all the girl's turned away from him and did as they were told. Larry stood leering unintentionally.
"Now then Mr Smith, who most resembles your girlfriend. Is it Jennifer here ?" she indicated a tall ginger haired girl of around twenty who happened to be standing nearest to them in the line.
Larry looked her up and down trying to keep his wits about him. Which at that particular moment was bloody difficult and nigh on impossible. His eye's fell on her boyish like rump. Very nice but not even close. "Er....not quite."
"How about Prunella ? As you can see Prunella has more womanly hips than Jennifer." offered Mrs Lister as she indicated the next girl. Despite himself, Larry was beginning to get the hang of this.
Blimey, she does have wide hip's Larry thought. But something wasn't quite right. He shook his head. "Ermmm..not exactly, needs a bigger bottom." He glanced at Mrs Lister who was nodding. It dawned on him that, actually, this was a rather inspired idea on the part of the Manageress. Getting into the swing of things, he quickly looked along the line at the remaining three girl's who were standing there, bottom's out and slightly bent over for his delectation er......perusal.
Immediately, his eye's fell on girl number four. Bingo!! No doubt about it. She was the one. It was her sheer bum pokey-out-id-ness that sealed it for him. It was almost an exact match to his girlfriend's. Fat and firm. Larry pointed at the girl who was watching him over her shoulder with a twinkle in her eye and a saucy smile on her lip's.
"That...er one." he pointed, blushing. Now he knew how Benny Hill felt. All he needed was a beret, bottle-top spectacles and a dirty mac to complete the picture.
The girl stood straight, smoothed down her skirt and turned to face him. "Hi, I'm Penny, Penny Parker."
Larry was about to get an even bigger shock.
In fact, the shock was so great he was still dazed when he let Mrs Lister and her assistant lead him to an even smaller room. It wasn't even big enough to be called a room. It was about the size of a changing-room cubicle that could hold four people and at most five if they squeezed in real tight. Penny Parker went in first. Larry turned to Mrs Lister looking distinctly uneasy and unsure of what he was supposed to do next. "Er...I don't think I can..." he mumbled as the Manageress thrust the pile of black lingerie into his hands and pushed him inside to join her assistant.
"Nonsense, of course you can Mr Smith, after all you don't want to disappoint your young lady by buying her the wrong size now do we ?"
Larry was looking over his shoulder wondering if he should make a dash for the exit as Mrs Lister pushed him inside and closed the "cubicle" door with a determined click.
Penny Parker was absolutely drop dead gorgeous. She was also nothing if not practical. She smiled at Larry who had pressed himself back against the wall trying to keep as much safe distance between himself and this....this gloriously voluptious Venus that he thought was sensible. If he was a spider he'd be climbing it by now. He stood with the big pile of women's underwear clutched to his chest with a look of unabashed terror in his face.
"Right then."said Penny. "So you think I'm the same shape as your girlfriend huh ?"
Larry nodded. "Er..."
Mz Parker stepped forward and began to rummage throught the pile of knickers and bra's Larry was holding. Larry stood rigid, in more ways than one, looking down at her sandy coloured shoulder length hair wishing he had an ice pack down his shorts. He had everything crossed he could think of which was just as well as her faint feminine fragrance wafted under his nose enticingly. He could feel the sweat breaking out on his forehead.
At last, she seemed to find what she was looking for. "Here we go, I think you'll be okay with this size of bra but I'm not sure about the knickers. So let's have a look and see if I can find a pair my size. Bingo!!" she grinned, pulling out and waving a pair of very brief brief's under his nose. "These fit my bottom to a tee."
Larry sensed a coronary coming on. Sod the ice pack.....make that an iceberg.
Penny handed the brazenly skimpy pair of knickers to Larry and turned away from him to bend herself sexily over a tall stool. "Now don't be bashful Mr Smith, just pull up my skirt, whip off my panties and slip these on over my bum. If they fit me, they should be fine for your girlfriend too. No need to be nervous, you'd be surprised how many men choose me like you did." At that, she bent from the waist and thrust her behind in his face as he stood gawping down like a startled rabbit.
"Wh..wher....what ?" he blurted out. What did she say ? Had he heard right ? Good grief, she could be an under-cover Policewoman on the look-out for lingerie preverts for all he knew !! He glanced around, maybe he was being filmed right now.
Penny looked over her shoulder at his hesitation. "What's wrong ?" She seemed genuinely puzzled by his hesitancy.
"N..nothing, it..its just that, I'm not sure I should be doing this. I mean, I hardly know you do I ?" Never mind about looking a gift horse in the mouth, that was nothing compared to looking at a fat arse in the round !!
The lovely lass just tutted and reached around to pat his arm reassuringly. "Don't worry. Just think of it as all part of the service." she smiled. "Besides, it was my idea in the first place to do this sort of thing. You'd be amazed how many gentlemen come in here saying they can't remember their wife's or girlfriend's vital statistics."
"Figures." mumbled Larry. Word must of spread through the grapevine like wildfire.
Larry knelt down to find himself with a face full of skirted bottom. Cracking his knuckles, he blew on his hands just in case. He spread his fingers wide and hovered them over each corresponding buttock trying to judge their size without actually touching. Each cheek dwarfed his own span considerably. This madam certainly had a big arse. Exactly the same shape and plumpness as his girlfriend's. His girlfriend. He hesitated slightly and frowned. As he reached forward again, he had a moment's twinge of guilt but that passed quickly as he concentrated on the matter at hand. It wasn't as if his girlfriend was ever going to find out what he'd been up to was it ?
"It's tight, so you'll have to give it a really good tug ok ?" Penny instructed.
Larry didn't answer but slipped the finger's of both hand's under the tight hem of her skirt and then twisting them beneath the cloth to grab it. "Well here goes nothing." he muttered to himself. He gave a tentative tug. A pull. Another tug then another pull. The skirt hardly budged. Blimey, she was right. It was tight. How the hell did she get an arse her size into such a thing ?!!
"See-saw." he heard her say.
"What ? Oh. Got you." Good idea. He began tugging up one side, then the other. A bit here, a bit there, until with an imagined "pop" he pulled her skirt up and over her pantied bottom which was...was...just.... HOLY SMOKES.
"Alright back there ?" Penny asked making sure he hadn't fainted as she gave her bum a wiggle.
Larry stuck his tongue out between his teeth and waggled it from side to side in unison as he stared rapt at her swaying backside. "Nice...er..nice bottom."
"You think so ?" she said."Why thank you very much Mr Smith. It's my best feature if I do say so myself. Now hurry up and remove my panties so we can try the other's on."
Her particular panties were pale blue, enticingly suggestive and alarmingly snug-fit. No doubt they kept Mr Beaver nice and warm. Still this was going to be some unveiling, especially for him. Carefully, he took hold of the elastic waistband and stretched it obscenely out towards himself thus giving him a brief peak of her split peach. Larry froze.
Penny, sensing that something was very much up, gave her rear another waggle that had her prize asset rippling like a jelly on a plate. "Mr Smith ?" What was he doing now ? "Is something wrong ?" She knew men liked to look at her bottom but this was ridiculous. "Mr Smith ?"
Mr Smith was knelt, the young assistant's panties stretched between them, staring at something he definitely had not expected to see. Penny Parker had a red bum !! There was no doubt about it. Though somewhat faded from what he could see, there were two rather large "spots" of colour that weren't natural at all. In fact, it looked like....like...she had been.....
The penny dropped for Penny Parker. Golly, she'd plumb forgot about what had happened before she had left for work that morning. "Ohhhhh, I guess you're wondering about the state of my bum aren't you Mr Smith ?"
Larry mumbled something indecipherable and totally unintelligible.
"It's nothing really, just my hubbie's way of getting me out of bed of a morning. You see, I'm a real sleepyhead and need to be pushed and prodded to get a move on or else I'll be late." she explained. Then added "Or he gives me a spanking too if he thinks I need it."
THAT woke Larry up from his mental stupor. "S..ser..spanking ?" he blurted out. "He spanks you ?"
"Oh sure." sighed Penny. "Though he had no idea or interest in doing such a thing when we were dating. It wasn't until we got engaged that I told him."
"Told him? Told him what ?" said Larry. His eye's never left her bottom. He'd never seen a spanked bottom before. Must have taken a long time seeing the size of it and been a right good hiding too for both her cheeks to be still red.
"About being spanked silly." Penny sighed. Men can be sooooooo slow on the uptake at times. "You should have seen his face when I told him I liked having a spanked sore bum."
Larry was rapidly losing the plot. What was worse was his hormones had suddenly gone awry. "Y..you mean to tell me YOU told him that it was what YOU liked doing ???" He suddenly had a mental picture of this delightful girl bent over her husband's lap squealing and wriggling to and fro as his hand slapped both her cheeks till the cows came home. Bloody hell. The lucky so and so...
"You shouldn't sound so surprised Mr Smith, a lot of women like that sort of thing. I know for a fact that at least two of the other assistants you just met are into it too. Doesn't your girlfriend let you spank her bottom when you want too ?" She sounded surprised.
Larry slipped Penny's panties back over her upthrust buttocks, down her thighs and waited whilst she stepped out of them. "Uhhh...no, not really. It's not the sort of thing I've ever thought about doing...to her er...bottom. I'm not sure she'd let me." said Larry. What a depressing thought that was. But spanking ? He knew he was partial to a decent sized female derriere but doing that to one ? The more he considered it, the more it ingrained itself into his sub-concious.
The shop assistant smiled at him with a slightly sad and knowing expression on her devine face. "Ahhhh..." she sympathised. "Remember, faint heart never won the fair maiden. Never was a phrase so true Mr Smith. You remember that when you give her her present. Now tell you what, why don't we finish what we started. Slip those new knickers on for me and we'll try them on my bum for size or else we'll be here all day. I know what you men are like when it comes to big girls big bottom's."
Larry grinned sheepishly and did as he was told.
Larry sat watching as his girlfriend opened up her birthday present hoping she'd like what he'd chosen for her. As he thought about what had happened in the store he couldn't stop smiling. He had his fingers crossed that they'd fit. They'd certainly fit that delectable bottom of Miss Penny Parker that was for sure !!
"Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhh Larreeeeeeeeee !!" cried his girlfriend, holding up the matching black bra and knickers. "I love them. AND they're the right size too !! How did you know what my vital statistics were ?" She grabbed his head and gave him a right smoochy wet smacker on his lips. "You are such a cwever widdle man." she cooed happily as she pinched his cheeks.
Larry just waved a bashful hand and examined his finger-nails. "Oh you know. Lucky guess. " he laughed as he watched his girlfriend jump up and begin to model the garments over her clothes.
"You are such a sweetie do you know that sweetie ?" she giggled as she gave him another peck on his lips and turned away from him. This time she was holding the knickers outstretched across the vast expanse of her large bottom.
Larry nibbled his lower lip and felt another sweat coming on. There was a humming in his ears as he watched her gyrating her rear bumper in his face as he sat on their sofa. Inside his head, he could hear a voice. A feminine voice. But it wasn't his girlfriend's. It was another womans voice.
A woman who's bottom he'd gotten to know rather well whilst shopping for lingerie.
Larry swallowed hard. "Er sweetheart, do you.. " he started off hesitantly. "Do you know that time when you said you'd er try anything.....once."